September 16, 2011  |   
                                               
                 Editor's note: the following is satire... for the most part.
 Why is it that whenever disaster strikes, right-wing religious nuts  seem to have all the fun? Some might say it's just because they're  sadists, but they always seem to find the silver lining. 9/11? God's  calling on America to repent! (No, not for it's foreign policy, you  dummy!) Hurricane Katrina? It was that darned homosexual parade the  organizers forgot to tell anyone about!
 Whatever disaster strikes, there's always an up-side in religious  rightland, always somebody to point the finger at with glee. How come  they get all the fun?
 So when the East Coast got a one-two punch last month,  earthquake-hurricane within a few days of one another, it got me  thinking. When another hurricane followed up afterward, it was more than  I could bear. And so, I offer you a list of God's Top 10 Targets from a  not-so-right-but-possibly-more-righteous point of view. 
 There are at least three different ways to approach this subject, and  we have examples of all three. First is to identify specific target  groups for repeated offenses—sinners who just won't mend their ways.  Second is to identify geographic targets for specific offenses—sin city  or state, as the case may be. Third is to identify specific  individuals. 
 1. Republicans, for bearing false witness.
 It's not just one of the Ten Commandments -- the Bible has repeated  warnings against slander, false testimony and plain old lying. But  Republicans apparently think that God was talking to somebody else—the  exact opposite of their usual assumption—especially since Barack Obama  arrived on the scene. Obama was born in Kenya, he is a Muslim, he's a  socialist, a Marxist, a fascist, he hates white people (like his mom and  his grandparents), he hangs out with terrorists. It goes on and on and  on.
 God has repeatedly told them not to act like this—yet they pay Him no  mind. It's not just Obama, either. When it comes to science, things get  just as bad, be it evolution, global warming, reproductive health, or  gender orientation; when the science isn't on their side, the lying and  slander take up the slack. It's not just that the science is against  them, you see. Scientists are fraudsters; they are always conspiring  against God and his people, according to some of the more whacked out  types—like GOP senators, for example. God may have a great deal of  patience, but when folks start trying to drag Him into the mix, that's  when the earthquakes and hurricanes begin. 
 2. The Religious Right, for ignoring Jesus on the separation of church and state. 
 More than 1,600 years before John Locke and 1,700 years before Thomas  Jefferson weighed in on the subject, Jesus said, “Render therefore unto  Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God those things which are  God’s.” (What's more, he said that, in part, as a way of opting out of a  tax revolt!) But the Religious Right defiantly continues to oppose Him.  God's been extremely patient with them over the years, but that  patience has finally run out, as the most anti-separationist elements of  the Religious Right—known as dominionists—have  come increasingly to the fore. Some might say they're embarrassing Him  personally. Others will say it's starting to get really dangerous.  Whatever the reason, God's had enough.  
 3. The nativist right and the GOP, for a rash of anti-immigrant laws.  
 “Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him: for ye were  strangers in the land of Egypt.” Exodus 22:21 could not be  clearer—unless, of course, we switched from the King James Bible to the  New International Version: “Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for  you were aliens in Egypt.” 
 But for some in the GOP, them's fightin' words. All they can think  about is disobeying God. They are positively possessed with the Satanic  spirit of disobedience. It began with Arizona's SB-1070 last year. And  while a number of states followed Arizona's lead with anti-immigrant  laws of their own, the most notorious was Alabama, which faced "a historic outbreak of severe weather" in April. 
 The same day the law was signed, Alabama’s Episcopal, Methodist and Roman Catholic churches filed a separate lawsuit,  claiming the law unconstitutionally interferes with their right of  religious freedom. Church leaders said the law “will make it a crime to  follow God’s command.” Among other things, the suit said, “The bishops  have reason to fear that administering of religious sacraments, which  are central to the Christian faith, to known undocumented persons may be  criminalized under this law.”  If criminalizing Christian sacraments  isn't inviting divine retribution, what is? 
 4. The predatory lending industry and all who enable them. 
 There are numerous Bible passages condemning usury. Typical of these  is Exodus 22:25: "If you lend money to one of my people among you who is  needy, do not be like a moneylender; charge him no interest."  Naturally, the whole of modern capitalism is built on ignoring a broad  reading of this. But predatory lending is a particularly egregious form  of defiance. It's proved rather costly to our country as well.
 A Wall Street Journal article on  December 31, 2007 reported that Ameriquest Mortgage and Countrywide  Financial, two of the largest U.S. mortgage lenders, spent $20.5 million  and $8.7 million respectively in political donations, campaign  contributions, and lobbying activities between 2002 and 2006 in order to  defeat anti-predatory lending legislation. Such practices contributed  significantly to the financial crisis that plunged us into the Great  Recession. But it seems that wasn't a clear enough lesson, especially  since those who lobbied most intensely benefited most from the bailouts  as well, according to an IMF study. So earthquakes and hurricanes are an old school, Old Testament way for God to make his point. 
 5. The GOP, for its contempt for the poor. 
 For more than half a century, the GOP has attacked Democrats and  liberals for their concern for the poor. At least since the 1980s, the  neo-liberal wing of the Democratic Party has tried to distance  themselves from the poor, and reposition the party as defenders of the  middle class, instead. The GOP has responded with policies to impoverish  the middle class as well, so that they can be safely demonized, too.
 But the GOP's venom for all but the wealthy has reached new heights  during the Great Recession. Not only should those who caused the crisis  be taken care of while all others suffer—far too many national  Democratic politicians seem to agree on that one—but a renewed rhetoric  of contempt for the poor has emerged, in direct contradiction to what  Jesus said, in Luke 6:20: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is  the kingdom of God." 
 Increasingly, it seems, Republicans don't think poor people are even  human. In January 2010, South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Baurer (R) compared poor people to stray animals:  He told an audience that his grandmother told him "as a small child to  quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed." He  compared this to government assistance, which he said is "facilitating  the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They  will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than  that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of  behavior. They don't know any better." Then, in early August, Nebraska  Attorney General Jon Bruning, the frontrunner for the GOP senate  nomination, compared poor people to scavenging racoons. Talk like that is what causes earthquakes and hurricanes. 
 6. Privatized public utilities, for the worship of Mammon. 
 Public utilities are natural monopolies, totally unsuited to private  enterprise, since there is no competitive marketplace. This, of course,  makes them perfect targets for monopoly capitalists—Mammon's greatest  worshipers. 
 Against them, God struck a mighty blow. In Mansfield, Massachusetts,  which has had its own municipal power service since 1903, electrical  service was restored for most customers within 24 hours after Irene hit,  even though 4,000 out of 9,500 households had lost power—quite unlike  what happened to nearby communities served by a commercial outfit.  According to a local report, the storm “uprooted old trees and knocked down utility lines all over town.”
 “Unlike homes and businesses in Easton, Norton and Foxboro, however,  local customers did not have to wait for National Grid to respond with  crews or listen to a recording on the telephone.... [M]uch of Easton  waited three days for power to return and areas of communities such as  Foxboro are still in the dark.” According to another report,  about Foxborough, “The outrage expressed... is similar to the  movie Network in the scene where people flung open their windows and  said, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore.'” 
 Then there are a couple of geographically specific targets: 
 7. Virginia. 
 Virginia was the site of the earthquake's epicenter and the second  state where Irene made landfall, so the state is a target-rich  environment.
 There's House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. On God's bulls-eye scale,  the epicenter near Mineral, Virginia is in Cantor's district—a direct  hit. And in budget negotiations this year, Cantor's contempt for the  poor came through loud and clear. He's been the most aggressive  congressional leader when it comes to budget-cutting and pushing the  economy as hard as possible over the cliff. Then, after the earthquake  hit, Cantor said any federal relief would have to be offset with  spending cuts, and quipped, “Obviously, the problem is that people in Virginia don’t have earthquake insurance.” He reiterated his demand for offsetting cuts when Hurricane Irene hit shortly afterward—even though he voted against such a provision after Tropical Storm Gaston hit the Richmond area in 2004.  
 Then there's Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. No way he escapes God's wrath. Cuccinelli's widely criticized witch-hunt against  eminent climate scientist Michael Mann represents the most extreme  right-wing attack on the mythical “climate-gate” scandal, which  consisted primarily of scientists making snide remarks about ignoramuses  like Cuccinelli. He's all wrapped up in sin of bearing false witness.  Which is where Hurricane Irene comes in—although it surely doesn't help  that Cuccinelli is suing to keep people sick, and has told Virginia's colleges and universities that they can't ban anti-gay discrimination. 
 And, of course, Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell has tried to have it  both ways with God, as well as with the people of Virginia. On the one  hand, all the way back in 1989, he wrote a Christian Reconstructionist M.A. thesis,  “The Republican Party’s Vision for the Family: The Compelling Issue of  the Decade” at the College of Law at Pat Robertson’s Regent University.  McDonnell's authorship of the thesis came to light during his 2009  campaign for governor, but because the establishment is in deep denial  about Dominionism in  general, and Christian Reconstructionism in particular, the full weight  of his thesis never really sunk in. On the other hand, McDonnell has  tried very assiduously to walk away from that past, given that almost no  one wants to admit to such extreme views. He's wobbled back and forth on  a number of issues, but generally tried to strike a reasonable  demeanor—in sharp contrast to Cuccinelli. But God doesn't like folks who  run hot and cold, which is why McDonnell's a target, too.  
 Finally, just to be a wee bit bipartisan about it, we need to include  Virginia's Democratic Senator Mark Warner in our list—though with a bit  of twist. On the day of the earthquake, Warner was scheduled to speak  at the Library of Congress Packard Campus for Audio Visual Conservation  in Culpepper, Virginia. He arrived about 10 minutes after the quake, according to the local Star Exponent, which reported: 
 The building had been emptied of its staff and the approximate 75  people who came to hear Warner so the former governor talked from under  a tree atop Mount Pony. 
“I was not going to mention the fact that one of the last times I  was in Culpeper there was a tornado,” he said of an appearance years  ago at CulpeperFest marked by wild weather. “If you don’t want me to  come back, there’s an easier way to do this. If we start seeing frogs,  it may be a sign of things to come,” he said. 
So it's not that God is angry with Warner, exactly. He just targets  Warner for amusement, to see what he'll say next. And, of course,  because he, too, represents Virginia, truly a state of sin. 
 8. North Carolina. 
 Hurricane Irene could have barreled directly into South Carolina, but  it delivered a stiff upper-cut to North Carolina instead. And why not?  Governor Bev Perdue tried her darnedest to protect the state. She vetoed  its draconian budget bill, only to see her veto over-ridden.  It too was an attack on the poor -- the bill didn't just fail to  balance spending cuts with tax increases, it actually let a temporary  one-cent sales tax expire, along with some income taxes on high earners,  while cutting $124 million in local education funding on top of $305  million cut in previous years. Perdue also vetoed a highly restrictive  abortion law—one that, among other things, has a 24-hour waiting period,  and force-feeds anti-abortion propaganda to women seeking an  abortion—call it the “Bearing False Witness By Doctors Act.” But that veto was over-ridden as well—by  a single vote in the state senate. So, really, God's hand was forced on  this one. He had no choice but to strike North Carolina, and strike it  hard. 
 Finally, there are two individual targets to consider: 
 9. Rick Perry. 
 While the one-two punch of the Virginia earthquake and Hurricane  Irene were far removed from Texas Governor Rick Perry's stomping  grounds, God had not forgotten Perry, but was merely preparing to toy  with him. Perry, after all, had responded to a terrible drought in Texas  not by implementing any long-term policy measures (which might make  Texas better able to deal with the prospects of more severe droughts to  come as global warming impacts increase), but by calling on Texans to  pray. 
 Back in April, Perry proclaimed the "three-day period from Friday,  April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in  the State of Texas.” Since then, however, things have only gotten  worse, as Timothy Egan noted in the NY Times “Opinionator”  blog, "[A] rainless spring was followed by a rainless summer. July was  the hottest month in recorded Texas history....Nearly all of Texas  is  now in 'extreme or exceptional' drought, as classified by federal  meteorologists, the worst in Texas history. Lakes have disappeared.  Creeks are phantoms, the caked bottoms littered with rotting, dead  fish.” 
 Somehow, though, it seemed like most folks outside of Texas had no  idea of Perry's failed prayer initiative. That's where God came in,  following up Irene with the tantalizing prospect of a Gulf of Mexico  storm that would finally bring relief to the Longhorn state. But alas  no. First Tropical Storm Jose petered out entirely, then Tropical Storm  Lee turned to Louisiana instead. If you pray with Perry,  you obviously take the Lord's name in vain. As one frustrated Texan wrote on Reddit,  “Perry's prayer has been answered. The answer was 'No'.” God is making  things perfectly clear, as Richard Nixon would say: If you want someone  praying for America in the White House, Rick Perry is not your guy. 
 10 God. 
 Yes, it's true, God Himself was one of the main targets of God's  wrath, particularly during the earthquake, which did remarkably little  damage to the living. But, as Rob Kerby noted at BeliefNet, churches took some pretty hard hits:
  “Significant damage was reported to Washington, D.C.’s National  Cathedral and St. Peter’s Catholic Church, historic St. Patrick’s Church  near Baltimore, and two churches in Culpepper, Va., close to the  epicenter — St. Stephen Episcopal Church and Culpepper Christian  Assembly.” 
Okay, so maybe God's not self-flagellating. Maybe it's the tenants  who are being targeted. But who's to say, really? And if the God's wrath  biz is all about appropriating authority to cast blame around, then why  not think really big, and proclaim God Himself to be the target? Pat  Robertson & company have monopolized this gig for far too long. If  the rest of us are to have any hope of catching up, we're got to make  ourselves a splash. And what better way to make a splash than  proclaiming that God is the target?